Having the Conversation | A Letter to My Aging Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

As you grow older, it’s natural to want to remain in your own home and maintain your independence. In fact, after considering all the options, Adam and I have done a lot of research and are convinced you both should age at home in the house you built together, creating beautiful memories for both you and us. We also want to ensure that you remain connected with your community and are surrounded by friends and family.

However, we understand that it can be challenging to keep up with the demands of home maintenance as you age. We want to assist you in any way we can, but sometimes the constraints of our own work, responsibilities, and children’s schedules prevent us from being physically present every time you need us. We also occasionally find ourselves unable to visit on the weekends to lend a hand with household chores and yard maintenance.

We feel very guilty about not being able to do so.

We understand that you may also feel guilty about asking us for help or outsourcing some of these chores to professional service providers. Please know that delegating some of these chores and tasks to service providers is perfectly acceptable and a lot of families are adapting to it. It’s not a sign of weakness or failure and it certainly doesn’t mean you are losing control of your own home; it’s a practical way to ensure that you can continue living in your own home while receiving the support you need.

There are days when I’m there in person but emotionally distant. I’m striving to maintain balance, but it’s taking a toll on me, and I’m slowly wearing down. I don’t want to burden you with complaints; I cherish our time together and helping you, but I’m feeling overwhelmed with work, kids, and my own home responsibilities. I can’t recall the last time we enjoyed a peaceful cup of tea; you’re preoccupied with your grandkids, and I’m racing to finish tasks around the house during our brief 2-3 hour visits on Sundays. Can we try and work together to change this, Mom and Dad?

Outsourcing some of the home maintenance and cleaning tasks will not only help you maintain your home but will also enable us to spend quality time together. We want to cherish every moment we have with you without worrying about the upkeep of your home during our visits. By delegating these responsibilities, we can focus on spending time with you and creating new memories.

There are many options available for outsourcing these tasks, such as snow removal, home maintenance, house cleaning and more. We can discuss and choose the services that best suit your needs and budget together. In fact, Adam and I are willing to put in more as needed to ensure your comfort and safety.

The next time we bring this up, please be open-minded and explore the idea of working together to make this happen. Let’s collaborate to ensure that both you and your children can thrive.

We want you to know that we love you and support you in every way possible.

With love,

Christine & Adam